dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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