Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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