I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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