He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
