he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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