you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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