Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
