i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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