I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
