My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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