I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
