We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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