She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
