I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
