I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
