I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
