I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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