these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
