yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
