What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
third nipple confirmed
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
