I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
