sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
