i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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