you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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