I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
