I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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