I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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