I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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