too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
