I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
