There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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