Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
