omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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