I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it's like heaven, but drunker
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
