hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
