forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
