Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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