taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
