He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
