Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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