Her vagina should come with caution tape.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
