my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
