who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
