i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
