you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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