i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
