Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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