Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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