trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
