Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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